One of the greatest challenges relationships face is jealousy. All too often, insecurity rears its ugly head and robs innocent couples of the single most important aspect of any relationship: trust. For some reason, women seem to get bitten by the jealousy bug moreso than men. To rid themselves of this self-imprisonment, some immerse themselves in self-help books while others seek the counseling of friends/family and sometimes, even an outside party. Recognizing that a lack of confidence is burdening the relationship is a first step, but overcoming insecurities starts from within.
A million people can tell you that you are beautiful, successful, kind-hearted, etc..., but if you don't believe it, no one else will. So, how do you go about building self-confidence before it destroys yet another relationship, or worse, destroys you?
I'm sure everyone is familiar with the concept of the best way to help yourself is to help others. Sure, committing a good deed here and there does provide a sense of self-fulfillment, but the feeling is typically short-lived. Why is that? Here's the catch: you've got to perform a random act of kindness and keep it to yourself.
Sounds easy enough, right? It's not!
Those of us who lack confidence are constantly seeking the approval and envy of others. We go out of our way for someone, then feel compelled to tell the next person what we did. Some of us are so good at this that we are even able to share our good deeds with humility! How's that for an oxymoron? The urge to brag about our generosity stems from the fact that we look to others for approval. It feels great to hear someone tell us what a great person we are and what a kind heart we have as we allow their opinions of us to define the person we are - at that very moment. Of course, if Bob thinks I am a great person, and I respect his opinion, then I must be a great person. But, seeking approval from others only lasts as long as the conversation does.
The idea of keeping our good deeds to ourselves forces us have these conversations with ourselves. The mind is a powerful tool in all aspects, especially when it comes to what we believe about ourselves. If we start praising and appreciating ourselves for the good we do just as we would another person, our own self-worth will start to grow. And the best part of all of this? The results are everlasting because our newfound confidence comes from within, not from others, and especially not from our significant others.
